3 Steps to Cleaning the House Before Your Wife and Kids Get Home

Monday, July 24, 2017

This is a sponsored post in partnership with Swiffer. All opinions are my own.

Most dads and husbands have been there at one point or another. Your wife and kids are gone for a night or maybe even the entire weekend. It doesn't happen often, but when it does there's no following your kids around cleaning up toys, you don't have to watch the same cartoon on repeat (unless you want to), and you certainly don't have to share your ice cream. When this weekend happens it's basically going to be like you're living the bachelor life all over again, except that you will fall asleep on the couch by 9 pm and your dinner will probably consist of feasting on your kid's animal shaped fruit snacks.

One thing is for sure. There most likely won't be much cleaning going on during your temporary bachelor extravaganza. It's fun while it lasts, but your wife and kids will be home soon. That means you're going to have clean up the evidence of your crazy/lazy weekend before your family returns. There's no way you want your wife to see the pile of laundry that has accumulated and you absolutely don't want your kids to spy the wrappers from all of their snacks that you've consumed. Here is how to escape your certain doom.

1. Scrape off the top layer of mess

You know that heaping pile of clothes that lies at the foot of your bed? Throw that in the washing machine. Nothing will give away the secrets of your lazy weekend quicker than laundry that isn't done. Also, load the dishwasher and run it. I know you think about getting to the dishes every time you pass by them to get your ice cream, but this is zero hour. Plus, doing this during the first step gives you a fighting chance at finding time to put the dishes away later.

2. Hide the evidence

When the clock is ticking, your talent for hiding things is just as important as your talent at cleaning things. Whisk away all the fast food wrappers and then take out the garbage. There is little chance the outside garbage bins will be searched. For the random items that you have no idea where they go, just stick them under the bed in your kid's room. Eventually the kids will get blamed for it and you're off the hook.

3. Fake the deep clean

This is where you take it up a notch and blow your wife's mind. She won't expect that this is coming and you'll win bonus points to cash in later. Use your Swiffer Sweeper to get the floors so clean you can eat off them. Ok seriously don't do that. If you're hungry you have clean dishes now, remember? Even if you're down to only thirty minutes, it's totally fine. Run that Sweeper over your hardwood floors and they will be ready to walk on just in time! Lastly, if you really want to advance to next husband level, bust out that Swiffer Duster and wipe down the blinds, end table, and baseboards.

My guess is you will get done right before your family walks in the door and throws their bags down on your sparkling clean floor. It will also be right before you get that shocked look from your wife, which then turns into that other look. You know the one I'm talking about. So enjoy that time after your family arrives home. The best part about it? Instead of spending the majority of the next day cleaning you get to spend that time with your family that you've missed so much!


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