Tuesday, February 18, 2014

9 Things Not To Say To The Parents Of A Newborn

(This article was also published on the Huffington Post on March 25, 2014)
9 Things Not To Say To The Parents Of A Newborn
(Note: This post is meant to have funny observations. Due to the large amount of traffic this has received from being published on the Huffington Post, there have been many hateful comments that have nothing to do with the content of the post. I have and will continue to delete any comments that personally attack me or another commenter. You are free to post your opinion, even if you disagree with mine. Just be respectful. Basically, don't take this too seriously and play nice.)

Now that I have a one-month-old child again, it has become abundantly clear that there are times when people just don't know what to say to me. This is the third time I've been through this stage and the comments are always the same. Sometimes people who don't know you well are just grasping for topics to talk about and sometimes people with no kids are just clueless. It's not their fault; they just haven't been through it. 

So consider this a guide to inform you what not to say to those people who are in the middle of trying to figure out life with a newborn. Some of these are questions, some are statements, but none should ever leave your mouth when speaking to a new parent.

1. "Are you getting much sleep?"
What do you think? Parents of newborns generally walk around like extras in the show, "The Walking Dead." If you see parents of newborns who don't look like this, they are most likely numb to the sleeplessness. Another possibility is the grandparents have just swooped in like heavenly angels and have woken up throughout the night with the little devil, uh, I mean baby. This is the number one question asked of me. Just don't go there, the answer is always the same.

2. "Let me know if I can do anything for you."
I have a newborn. Like I have the time or energy to remember who told me to, "ask them if I need anything." My mental capacity is near empty. If you want to know why, see #1 above. Some good questions would be, "What can I bring your family over for dinner on Thursday?" Or even, "Can I pick your kids up from school tomorrow and take them to the park to play?" Either of these are like miracles from above. Don't make me call you and ask, just tell me what you can do and when. And bring dessert with you. Dessert is never bad.

3. "How is your wife doing?"
She's fantastic. She just pushed a watermelon through a hole the size of an orange. She's never been better. In fact, she might just run a marathon next weekend on a whim. Instead ask, "I hope your wife is recovering well, what's one thing I can do for you so that you can have a little bit more time to take care of her?"

4. "Is the baby sleeping through the night yet?"
Why yes. At two weeks old he is a medical freak of nature and sleeping all the way through the night. With all the extra time on my hands from him sleeping so much, I have been researching new fashion trends. The one I am trying right now is called "Death Warmed Over." Do you like it? It is the newest look, especially among parents of newborns.

5. "I just got a puppy, so now I know what having a baby is like."
Really, do you now? Last time I checked it is still illegal to lock up a baby in dog kennel when it's in the way or you just can't handle anymore of the messes. Did you have to get up to nurse the puppy at 2 am, 4 am, and 6 am? I also don't think you woke this morning to a screaming little one covered with poop up to their armpits. I swear diapers aren't designed to hold it in, they actually are just there to channel poop up the baby's back. I could go on and on with this one but you get the picture.

6. Usually said by a stranger in a store when the baby is screaming and you are just trying to make it through your list and keep your sanity: "You know your baby is probably tired/hungry/has a dirty diaper/etc."
Listen, I didn't ask for your advice and I probably know exactly what my baby needs. Unfortunately, I am barely holding it together, haven't showered in four days, and honestly couldn't care less what your opinion of the situation is. If you want to actually help, give me your place in line so I can get out of the store faster.

7. "When are you going to bring the baby over?"
You need to understand that getting a newborn out of the house can sometimes feel as daunting as diffusing a bomb in under 30 seconds. Besides that, stupid people always want to touch newborns hands which spreads germs and sickness all over the place. And sick babies don't sleep...ever. So thanks for the offer but our newborn will come out to play when we are good and ready.

8. "When are you having the next one?"
While adding another pooping machine to the fold is awfully tempting, we will hold off making that decision for now. You should never make important decisions while exhausted, stressed, or in the middle of a major life change.  Well guess what? Having a newborn means we are in the middle of all three of those. Also, if every parent of a newborn made that decision right away, no kid would ever have another brother or sister.

9. "Is having a baby worth all you give up for it?"
This baby is a miracle and having him is one of the greatest moments of my life. We are a month in and I would do anything for him. Every dirty diaper, sleepless night, and mind numbing children's song is nothing compared to the joy of being a parent. I will never have a regret about giving up some of my freedom (and sleep) to raise my child. I just pray that I can be the parent all that my children deserve and have a ton of fun at the same time!

#fatherhood

130 comments:

  1. Thanks Seth, I'm glad you could relate!

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  2. I still think the best advice (read: worst advice) before the kid arrives is, "Get as much sleep as possible now." Right, because I can open a Sleep Savings Account and just draw from it.

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  3. Absolutely! That always helps...or it never helps ever.

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  4. Oh so true! Our youngest just turned 6 months and we're still getting #4, #5, #6 & #8. I love our #9! There's nothing quite like the crink in your neck after falling asleep cradling your bubba, but wouldn't change it for the world! Those smiles & giggles and knowing that, for now, you are the only one who can make everything right in their world is simply priceless!!

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  5. So awesome. I surprised a few on #2 with things that actually needed some attention. The responses were interesting. #4 is a thinly-veiled cover for Babywise Evangelists. Also, on #6, those same people like to touch the babies. Gross.


    Hope you guys are holding it together. Anything else you need, you just let me know!

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  6. Thanks Jered. Yes the people in the store sometimes even try and pick up your kid and hold them. No kidding my wife had that happen in Costco. And I will not let you know if we need anything!

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  7. having a baby is a choice, maybe parents should just be happy that people care at all:)

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  8. Having a baby is a choice and we made that decision to have one. HOWEVER, we don't have the choice to listen to questions that are not helpful and/or annoying. This guide can help with that. Also, it is written tongue in cheek as we all have asked dumb questions to parents of newborns. I am guilty of it as well!

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  9. I have never commented on a blog post anywhere, ever. But I felt so compelled to comment on this after I read it in the Huffington Post that I sought you out. Here's what I want to say to you: Consider yourself lucky and stop complaining. Think about the millions of people worldwide who struggle with infertility -- especially those who can't have children at all -- and who would give literally give anything to be asked one of the questions on your ridiculous list. Seriously, I can't believe someone would actually publish this load of crap.

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  10. Numbers 1-4 are just rude. I have two children who I sleep trained and were sleeping through the night at 5 weeks. I loved it when people would ask me all of those questions because I would get to share my experience and maybe help another struggling mom or dad. People mean well. Maybe they don't have all the answers like some third-time parents. If these questions bother you, maybe come up with some pre-scripted responses that are polite but don't exhaust you to tears.

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  11. I dislike this article. None of these questions I feel are rude or bothersome. It sounds like you are a bitter individual who should strongly consider NOT having any more children so you don't have to be "bothered" with these questions! Being a father of two, I have been asked these questions many times and I had nothing but appreciation for the people asking as I knew it was out of sincerity. Sorry for being so harsh, but people like you really bother me.

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  12. Stop complaining. If people are asking you such questions they r just trying to be compassionate. They have nothing to gain. This article is just too rude.

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  13. haha Very funny! Cool article! Congratulations! :)

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  14. Thanks for your input! Have a nice day!

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  15. Scott, I'm sorry I didn't realize that I could only be annoyed with things that annoy you as well. Maybe you can share what annoys you so I can tell you how you are wrong to feel that way?

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  16. Kristina, thanks for sharing. It must be a blessing to have kids that sleep through the night at five weeks. All of my kids have been different in this area. My first son took forever. I would have loved to experience what you did. And yes, I do have scripted responses, but like I said at the beginning of this post some people just don't realize. I also gave some could alternative questions throughout that I feel are much more helpful. Thanks for visiting, have a great day.

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  17. Leslie, first of all, thanks for commenting. Second, I'm not sure how you made the leap from the sarcastic points I made in my post to infertility. Third, you are assuming that my wife and I have never had issues with infertility. In fact we did, for a long time. Would you also like to ask me about our painful miscarriage? I appreciate you commenting but maybe you should not assume things about people when you have no idea what they have been through. Thanks for visiting and I really do hope you have a great day.

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  18. What a whiny article.Get off your high horse! I am raising 4 kids and I love when people are interested in what is going on. Apparently you have no compassion for others.

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  19. None of these ever really bothered me all that muchbut the one that always got me was if she was at a park and just barely slightly scrapped her knee or bumped it and shed cry and someone would be like " what are you gonna do about that your not gonna go make her feel better?"....no actually I'm not there's no way I'm going to go over every single time she bumps her knee or slightly hurts herself...now if she broke her arm or cut herself bad that's a whole different story....it may be mean of me but after the first 5or 6 scrapes she only cried or made a fuss if it was bad

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  20. But I suppose its not really related to newborns...I just understand how some things bother and annoy some yet don't phase others

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  21. Having a little girl that just turned a month yesterday and a two year old, I can totally relate! Just love that people don't understand looking at the funny side of things and see it so negatively. So, being a mom of two girls, going on 4 hours of sleep, thanks for the laugh!

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  22. Wow. What a selfish tool. It's called having a baby. People do it every day.

    I have never heard someone be so ungrateful in my life. If someone asks to help you, be an adult, use your words, and tell them what you need. It sounds like you would be the type to complain about something not being what you wanted, if someone actually took it in their own hands to help you.

    Infants have amazing immune systems, people touching them will not make them sick. I can't tell you the last time I saw a truly "sick" infant. It just don't happen, unless it's RSV season. RSV is airborne. So, again, people touching it is ok.

    I have never responded to a blog, EVER! I just had to throw my 2¢ in on this one, couldn't help it.

    I am really excited to see what kind of douche bag response I get, too. Maybe I'll be disappointed and not receive one. Who knows?!

    Learn to be grateful. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Having a baby is NOT that big of a deal. You aren't doing something that most every other parent hasn't done...and not complained about it. You DO NOT deserve special treatment.

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  23. Why oh why do people so often misunderstand humor? I mean these are annoying questions to be asked, but you wrote them in a way to bring a smile and a laugh to anyone with a sense of humor. As a parent, at least for me, I had to learn to laugh at myself -I was already a natural at sarcasm thankfully- and your article is hilarious with the added benefit of educational if someone is looking for things to say (or not) to new parents.

    PS. My kid was one of those wonderful freaks of nature...she slept through the night at two weeks. I was one luck SOB.

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  24. lol, half of these I am rolling my eyes at, and the other half I am nodding and saying 'yep'.
    #1. We got pretty good sleep, from the first night we brought my son home he sleps from 9pm-12am and then from 1am to 7am. I credit this to nursing him on demand during the day. ;-) so our response to that question was always, 'Really well actually, he's an angel'
    #2. Got on my nerves because it is a hollow offer. Everyone says it, but for us nobody meant it. Except my parents and my in-laws. Everyone else was always too busy to help with anything.
    #3. It's just nice to know people are concerned about you. Period.
    #4. My son is now 18months and still sleeps through the night. He has since he was only a few weeks old, and I have always been very proud of that. So I loved answering that question. Especially when my 'anti-baby' friends asked!
    #5. People who say this need to be punched in the ovaries/penis. Not a Damn thing alike.
    #6. You just never know what they are going through or have been through either. May be an irritating statement but I always just smile and say "yes I know" or "actually he wants to nurse." lol
    #7. NEVER! We were over protective, and for good reason. And busy nursing on demand. But people were welcome to come visit (of they asked first).
    #8. This one hurts and breaks my heart everytime I get asked. I have wanted another since he was born. As perfect as our son is, my husband says "NO." to anymore, and is planning on getting cut to prevent another baby. (i really wanted a big family). Then when we inform them that there will not be another, they say "oh he'll change his mind" which only makes him more stubborn and more determined to not have another. :'(
    #9. So aggravating. People say that like having a baby is a crippling disease. I just want to say "duh you dumbest" to everyone who asks this! Then again I have never been into drugs, partying, or acting wild. Married when I was 18, pregnant when I turned 21 and had my son at 21. I gave up my dream of being a Veterinarian to be with my husband. I didn't have to 'give up' anything to be a mom. Even so having your own baby is worth giving up EVERYTHING for. <3

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  25. Number 2 and number 3 are completely contradictory to the other. Do you want people to be supportive or not? Ugh

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  26. Wow. I hope the people in your life (outside of the internet) tell you where to shove it. You sound so ungrateful. People are being kind and sincere when asking about your family and you're being a total jerk!

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  27. Your children apparently deserve to be put up for adoption if you seriously think that little of them. I'm expecting #5. All I can say is why not try to learn how your child feels, and worry less about your stupid thoughts. You only have what, 2 children? You are not anywhere close to an expert. What in the world made you think it was ok to write a demeaning blog about your child? You helped bring this child into the world and yet you have no respect for him/her. Grow up and grow a real pair. You are NOT a real man. And you do NOT deserve to call yourself a parent. That name is earned. You are only considered pathetic and weak.

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  28. You sound just as bad as the narcissist that wrote this. Maybe worse. How many times can you fit "nursing on demand@ in a post?

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  29. You are so whiney. Oh, whoa is you, you had a baby. It must be so hard, since it's a new thing you invented and all. It's like, way harder than having a puppy or anything like that. Your life is the hardest!

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  30. Do people not get there is a large dose of sarcasm and humour in this post!

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  31. I’m thankful to call Beau a friend, and thankful to know his heart and his sense of humor! Of course he’s grateful and in love with his kids (check out why his blog is called LunchboxDad?) He’s just giving a good laugh to other sleep deprived parents (that also love their children:-). This is hilarious, Beau, great job! Your kids are blessed they have a dad that gets so much joy from making awesome lunches for them and is more than willing to suffer through sleepless nights and changing all those poopy diapers!

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  32. Put up for adoption? Do you not understand that this was a sarcastic post? Don't start saying that he does not deserve to call himself a parent until you've actually met him. Lunchbox dad is also not pathetic and weak, he is a wonderful person and an even better father, so please, if you don't know him personally, do NOT comment on his character.

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  33. *woe If you are going to bash him on his blog, kindly check your spelling. At least then you can give an illusion of intelligence, as you obviously cannot comprehend his sarcastic humor.

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  34. I find it crazy how many people are freaking out about how selfish Beau apparently is. Seriously, if you don't know Beau personally, don't comment on his character. He is a wonderful person, and he loves his children so much! This post was not meant to be hateful toward parents, it was supposed to be light-hearted and sarcastic. Unfortunately, sarcasm does not always transfer well over the internet, but the hate that people are posting about this sure does. Everyone needs to chill out.

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  35. He has the cat-tummy-scratch attitude:


    "Scratch my tummy. But only precisely three times, and on my terms, or I will attack you."

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  36. If you are going to publicly respond to comments that you don't like, at least *try* to be professional.


    Being snarky only further alienates your readers.

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  37. This post was meant to be humorous. Many parents will read this and relate, gifting them with a hearty laugh. He does not think little of his children. On the contrary, he adores them, which is obvious to anyone who knows him personally. However, you obviously do not, and cannot observe his daily actions and sacrifices for his THREE kids. So who are you to make these empty accusations? What is pathetic and weak is demeaning him on his blog. Thank you for your opinion, everyone has the right to one, but you, a stranger, cannot judge if he is a "real man." While his children will grow up to understand his sense of humor and be proud of him for what he has accomplished, your children will grow up to see this? A hateful, disrespectful comment on a fellow parent's blog who was only trying to bring some laughter into others' lives. Is that the example you desire to set as a parent? Is that what it takes to "earn" the title of a "parent"?

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  38. 1. All babies sleep differently. It's not a stupid, or rude question. It's a question that, despite your mistaken belief that "the answer is always the same", can be answered many different ways. I can understand that it may be boring when you are asked over and over again but bear in mind that for the most part people are only asking questions because they feel socially obligated to, and actually don't care about your newborn.

    2. Sigh. No, it's not other people's responsibility to offer specific tasks. They are already going above and beyond by offering to help out anyway - do not be so incredibly ungrateful.

    3. As per #1, most people are only asking to polite and actually don't care. However, for the people that do care, it's a reasonable question to ask. Also as per #1, every woman's postpartum experience is different. I know women who've really struggled, and I know women who were invigorated after their births and were back to active life-styles very quickly. I'm sorry your wife wasn't, but your experience doesn't make it and unreasonable question. Also, doesn't encouraging people to ask "what's one thing I can do for you?" directly contradict your complain in #1?

    4. Some babies do sleep through the night. They don't have to be "medical freaks of nature". Sorry you're having a bad experience.

    5. "I also don't think you woke this morning to a screaming little one covered with poop up to their armpits" - dude, have you ever had a puppy?! That is a total possibility.



    6. This one is totally legit - 1/6... we're getting there.


    7. People are just trying to be polite. Be a grown up and just say to them, "It's really difficult to get out and about with a newborn. It'd be a real help if you could drop by to visit the baby at our place".


    8. Yet again, this is different for everyone. So many mums I know start talking about wanting more babies when they still have little ones. Also, this is in no way unique to parents of newborns. If you think it's bad for you, imagine what it's like for an unmarried 30-something woman, or a childless-by-choice couple.


    9. Well you certainly wouldn't know it reading this article.


    Beau, I get that this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek but, dude, you really missed the mark with this one - as is evidenced by the huge number of negative comments here and on HuffPo. You come off as ungrateful, abrasive, and obnoxious. I know you probably aren't, but your writing here just... didn't get it over the finish line.


    Now, go hug your kids.

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  39. The people in his life outside of the Internet can see his daily actions and sacrifices for his children, his obvious unconditional love for them, his respect for others, and his gratitude to everyone who has supported him. He wrote this blog with humor and sarcasm, a trait he is known and loved for by the people who know him personally. He does appreciate the kindness and sincerity, and, kindly and sincerely, expresses gratitude when it is offered. Unfortunately, that has trouble coming across in a post on the Internet, so it is understandable for you to wrongly assume he is a jerk. I am here to kindly and sincerely inform you that he is in no way, shape, or form, anything close to a jerk. I'm sure he is sorry it came across that way. His blog was not meant to offend you. :)

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  40. I wasn't offended. I just figured his family and friends would be the ones offended. :) but if they know his humor, then all is well in his world.

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  41. Wow. How quickly some are to judge a parent/person by an article. Get a grip people. It made me laugh. I think that was the intent.

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  42. Hey this was obviously written by an honest father who wanted to make you laugh! If you missed that mark I feel sorry for you. Laughter is the best medicine.
    The sarcasm was clear and didn't come off as offensive to me, and I'm a mom of four plus a grandson.
    It is apparent how much he loves his wife and children based in the serious comments that are made across the article. I say kudos to you Beau for saying what many have wanted to growl at strangers but knew it was wrong. You found a way to turn it into comedy and we so love that!
    Keep writing regardless of everyone's negative opinions.

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  43. If you're this rattled by the reaction to a newborn, you're in for a really long, bumpy ride.

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  44. Autocorrect, sorry. And I don't write for a living, so it's not really the same. Also, I don't think spelling is really an indication of intelligence on any scale. But it's adorable that he called his friends out to defend him against the big, bad blog bullies!

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  45. I love that SteveyGrace has three posts on his account and they are all responses to this blog! Dude, come on!

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  46. Most people want to tell you they don't give a shit about your kid. And no one is obligated to help you. That's the life you chose. Don't be a shithead to people who are being polite to you. Suck it up and wear a condom next time. Your baby doesn't cry half as much as you do.

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  47. Elizabeth BurchfieldMarch 26, 2014 at 8:55 PM

    OMG, you guise! They are being mean to me! Make fake accounts and come call them stupid and tell them what a great writer I am! Okay?

    BTW, "guys" was misspelled on purpose. I know your rigid commenting standards. If I know anything it's that you can tell a stranger's intelligence by a spelling mistake. Though I think it says more to call said stranger stupid for no reason. Maybe work on not being the biggest douchebag ever.

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  48. Elizabeth BurchfieldMarch 26, 2014 at 8:57 PM

    Stevey, get Beau's penis out of your mouth.

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  49. Elizabeth BurchfieldMarch 26, 2014 at 9:00 PM

    Yes, more than willing to do stuff for his kids and then write about it so he can get accolades. What a great dad.

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  50. I usually don't comment on blogs. However, I felt the need to this time because I was so appalled at your behavior. But I appreciate the love. :)

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  51. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call anyone stupid. I was merely continuing the sarcastic trend set by Beau's blog and the melodramatic attitude in the comments. Everyone else is overreacting, I thought it would only be fitting for me to do the same.

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  52. Elizabeth BurchfieldMarch 26, 2014 at 9:07 PM

    I don't think you know what sarcastic means. Which is odd for such an intelligent guy like yourself.

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  53. Elizabeth BurchfieldMarch 26, 2014 at 9:08 PM

    I'm surprised you don't comment on blogs much. You seem to have lots of time on your hands. You should get a hobby.

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  54. Love it Jen, thanks for sharing. I have to do the look away when they have a little scrape and I know they're fine. You know what I'm talking about, when they look to see if you noticed? Thanks for sharing!

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  55. Thanks for seeing the humor Kelly. That was why I wrote this. If we as parents can't laugh then how are we going to get through parenting. Thanks for sharing and visiting my blog.

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  56. Hey BigMamaAG. Thanks for your 2 cents. If you had read the whole post you would know that I am so thankful for my kids and would never trade them for anything in the world. They are my joy. I can't wait to get home to them at night after work. But please don't judge what some other person does to keep their kids well. Respectfully, you don't know my family, my kids, or the kinds of sickness we've been through. This was meant to be a funny article on the observations of being a parent. Sorry you missed that. I do hope you have a great night. Thanks for visiting!

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  57. Thanks for commenting and I'm glad I could bring a smile to you. That's what this post was meant to do. You are one lucky person for your child sleeping through the night, I am jealous!

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  58. Hahaha. I think this article is hilarious.. having one little one I couldn't help but read it and laugh. I actually didn't realize who the writer was until I noticed all the controversy and had to look further... he was a actually a youth leader of mine. He loves kids and has made a huge difference in so many kids lives.
    It's really sad that people are so willing to tear down and attack someone's character without having even met them... Beau thanks for being an amazing person. I appreciate your honesty and humor, and your kids are sure lucky to have you for a dad!

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  59. Thanks so much for sharing your opinions and experiences. I appreciate that you said what you agreed and disagreed with on my post in a respectful way. I also hope you can see the humor in what I wrote as well. I'm sorry for your hurt with not having another child. We had issues for quite a long time with trying to get pregnant and it did hurt when people asked when we would have another. I don't know your situation completely but I do know when you want a child and cannot have one it is painful. I hope you stop by the blog again soon!

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  60. I think you are thinking too deeply into this. It is meant to be a humorous list of observations on being a parent of a newborn. Sorry you missed that. I hope you have a great night!

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  61. Francine I'm glad you know everything about who I am as a person from reading one post. Not sure where I attacked you but ok, thanks for sharing your opinion.

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  62. Ande I'm sorry you missed the humor and sarcasm in my post. I don't think my family and friends would see it from your perspective. But if you want to ask them feel free. This post isn't about being ungrateful, just a few observations and maybe some pointers on some questions that could be really helpful to someone. Have a great night!

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  63. Hey Flor, thanks for commenting. Actually I was at work all night so I haven't had a chance to comment until now. I don't need anyone to defend me but thanks for assuming I do. These are just my opinions and you can have yours. How is your dog? I hope you have a great night!

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  64. Thanks Lisa, I'm grateful to have you as a friend as well!

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  65. Thanks Cassie! I hope people can just enjoy this post for what it is, just some funny observations on parenting. If anyone doesn't find it funny and isn't able to laugh at everyday situations well, thats too bad.

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  66. Joy I'm glad you can see the intent for why I wrote it. Just trying to bring some fun and laughter to people's lives. I think some people are way too serious! Thanks for visiting!

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  67. Francine thanks for commenting and sharing your opinion. You are entitled to your opinion just as I am entitled to mine. I disagree with you but that's okay. And for the record I have woken up with my babies having poop up to their armpits and I have owned dogs and puppies all my life. Have a great night and thanks for visiting my blog!

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  68. Thanks for the support Nicole and I will. Glad I could bring you some laughter, that was the intent of the post all along.

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  69. Hi Ann. Having a newborn is hard. Having kids is hard. I have three kids and I know it is challenging and rewarding. This is my third child. I love my kids with all my heart. I also wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. I wrote this as some funny observations for parents who have experienced it. Thanks for commenting and have a great night!

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  70. I'm glad you're happy with the response.

    Hopefully though you will acknowledge everyone's opinions and learn and grow as a writer from them.

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  71. You didn't attack me. I didn't say you did.

    I was referring to the general attitude of 'offer to help us, but only in the way I'd like'.

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  72. I think I have acknowledged everyone's response on here. I spent a good hour after work tonight going through them all. I even thanked you for sharing your opinion. I am always looking to grow and welcome people to disagree with me here as long as they do it respectfully. I have deleted any comments that I saw as degrading. They have no place here.

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  73. Well I could have misinterpreted you just as you misinterpreted my attitude. I think we are going to have to just disagree on this whole thing. You don't see my post as funny. I get that. I'm fine with it. Many other people do. Thanks for visiting though, I hope you come back sometime soon.

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  74. Great job Beau, I love it. I thought the questions would have changed over the years. It is amazing that they haven't, very same questions I got when mine where born they are now 15 and 12 years old. The one that also bothered me was when they would ask if my daughter was a boy or my son was a girl because I went to such pains to put girl in pink and boy in blue. Now funny not then when sleep deprived and moody. You are a wonderful example of a great dad who loves God and his family. Again great job I really enjoyed it and it is great to hear it from a dad's point of view. Congrats on the newest addition.

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  75. I loved this! Although my daughter is five years old now I can clearly remember that transition to adding a new baby at home. And I also remember, years prior to that, not having any clue what it's like. I'm sure I said some of those things to new parents before I had a baby of my own.

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  76. I really think the Internets need a sarcasm or satire font. Ha!

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  77. Our first baby is 27 years old and a new mom ! People said the same things when our baby 25 yo ; was a baby !

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  78. I remember about a year ago I found this web site (i didn't know him before) and made a comment of how awesome Beau is. He made lots of fun lunches for his kids. Since then I've been following him and this blog. I wish my dad could spend time with me like Beau did with his kids. If you read the entire post above, you will see how sweet he is. Great job Beau..! You are one of the most awesome dads out there!

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  79. My rant got hijacked. Boo!
    I don't think he is attacking anyone. It's not that bad, just if he wanted to be funny then he should have done a little homework and made this piece funny. It's not funny, it comes off whiney and pretentious. Instead of saying that people don't know what to say, he could have taken the whole "these things bug me" as a personal preference and Then used that to make it a funny post. Maybe he should just stick to playing with food. No complaints about the lunches derp

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  80. This isn't funny, it's scary. Did you really want to have a third child? I know you want to come off as hilariously sarcastic, but it isn't working. You resentment is shining through like a beacon. I understand that having babies can be tough, I know, I have two, but you really need to relax. Go to the gym and sit in the hot tub, meditate in the park or something. It isn't all on you, let someone else carry the load for a while or you are going to snap. This is so totally different from your other writings, I worry about you...

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  81. Thanks for commenting Kevin, I'm glad you enjoyed the post

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  82. This is one of my favorite comments on this whole post! Made me laugh out loud Myra

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  83. I've said them also Heather. Thanks for reading. I never had a clue either until I reached that stage of my life. I was thinking yesterday about what life was like before kids. People can tell you what it is like but it is just different. I loved the years I had with my wife before and I love the stage of life that I am in now. I really appreciate your support!

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  84. Thanks Anita. Yes I think I can look back and laugh about it for my older kids. Not yet for this one but when I get more sleep I will be able to. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  85. Thank you so much! I do what I can because my kids are three of the greatest blessings in my life. I do love being a dad, contrary to some opinions on here.

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  86. Thanks for commenting Catherine but you don't need to worry about me, I'll be fine. My wife and i share the load and believe a partnership is the best way to raise a child. Sorry you didn't enjoy the post. I hope you have a great day though!

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  87. Jessie. Its okay that you didn't find it funny, many people have. It's not for everyone I get that. And to be perfectly honest I did do my homework and I asked multiple parents what questions or statements bothered them when they had newborns. So their input is in here as well. Have a great day!

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  88. I saw that you wrote this in February. I do hope you are in a better place now, and you are finally getting some sleep. I do like your writing style, and your blog is amazing and informative. I hope I didn't offend you, you just seemed so frustrated and definitely in need of finding your happy place! :)

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  89. Thanks so much for the encouragement about my blog, no offense taken, don't worry. Thanks for visiting!

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  90. So you don't want people being polite? (1-3). And number 2 especially. You really think people want to help you and your annoying baby? No. They are just being nice. You complaining that they do not put in the effort to help you out? That's ridiculous. I think if you do need help and want time to yourself you can pick up the phone and ask.

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  91. Ben thanks for your opinion but I do think there are people in my life who want to help "me and my annoying baby." We have wonderful people in our life who actually care about others outside of themselves. That is how real friends do it. I just put out there some helpful questions that I think should be asked. For your sake I hope there are friends of yours who will help you and your child one day and care enough to ask the right questions. For the record my kids are wonderful and I wouldn't trade them for the world and if anyone called them annoying like you just did to my face...well...lets not go there. Thanks for visiting.

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  92. This was a great post! Hilarious! I'm not a parent just yet, but my sister has had three that i've helped with and my sister-in-law now has a newborn that I'm helping with a little. I can only imagine the thoughts that go through some parents heads when people make crazy comments to them. LOL

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  93. Thanks Lavonya. I'm glad I could make you laugh. Thanks for helping your sister-in-law, I'm sure she appreciates it. Have a great weekend.

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  94. Winton WedderburnMarch 31, 2014 at 5:24 AM

    Oh man, you're like Moses delivering the word. I have 2 kids and it amazes me what people say sometimes. Just the other day I get text message from my best friend... "I know you have 2 kids, but we're here at [restaurant] come on out...". Really? IT'S FREAKIN' 9PM DUDE!!

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  95. Paris K. ChristianMarch 31, 2014 at 10:14 AM

    I had my baby boy the day after you made this post. He is my first and I absolutely agree with everything you wrote. Especially the one about "bringing the baby over". I got that question SO much. I have an emergency cesarean, was struggling with breastfeeding and my friends were not exactly close! Every time I got the question I would just roll my eyes and tend to my son, lol.

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  96. Thanks Winton! Yes, I think it is hard for those who don't have kids to really get it. I think the only way to get it is to have kids, not that they are for everybody but you don't know until you're in the middle of it. My family and I have definitely had to become planners with three kids to think about.

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  97. Thanks Paris, I'm glad you can relate, congratulations on your new baby!

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  98. Elizabeth ZaharkivApril 1, 2014 at 9:19 AM

    The worst was when after bringing home my son, everyone from then on kept saying" oh when he gets bigger blah, blah ,blah! "That just pissed me off!! I just brought home a beautiful newborn and that time is so short. Everybody already wanted him grown up! Seriously!!... I would tell people right off the bat to please not talk about something that will happen, but, for these few tiny-sized months , I want to live every moment...

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  99. I'm glad you are trying to enjoy every minute Elizabeth! I still can't believe how big my 7 year old is now, time flies.

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  100. Elizabeth ZaharkivApril 1, 2014 at 12:19 PM

    Thanks Beau ! I do! My son will be 9 in May and I enjoy him more then ever but, I miss those early months ! Next month we get to see him perform at UCLA in an Honors Orchestra! Who knew ?

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  101. I find it amazing what can offend or anger a new parent! Are you honestly complaining about people offering to help you and asking about your well-being..GASP! How dare they! Last time I checked that's called being polite and making conversation. How horrible to have such caring and interested family and friends..the nerve they have! I also couldn't help but notice that instead of asking you questions, you suggested that everyone find some way to help you instead such as making you dinner or taking your kids to school. It is rude of me to offer to help you, but it's not rude of you to expect me to make you a meal?? You made the choice to have the kid...don't sit here and complain to me that now you're tired and too busy for everything and I am now rude because I offered to help without just jumping in and doing it. Now we need a list of things new parents should never say to their friends or family. This blog can be number 1 on that list!

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  102. Thanks for your opinion JH. Maybe you can write that list that you talk about? Let me know when you do, I'd love to read it.

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  103. I thought this was hilarious and should be viewed with a sense of humour and in the spirit I believe it was written- My 'babies' are 21 and 25 now and everything you have said rings true..... well done :-)

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  104. Nice post. http://www.facemama.com/noticias-bebe/9-cosas-que-nunca-deberias-decir-a-los-padres-de-un-recien-nacido.html

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  105. lol, you're welcome. I can't believe some of the hateful responses you're getting, accusing you of being hateful no less!
    Apparently it's okay to be hateful/rude, but not okay to jokingly give you own opinions...

    Anyways, might need to add something about people accusing your 18-month-old of going through terrible twos, when they are clearly just tired and need a nap.
    Who isn't cranky when they need sleep?!

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  106. I enjoyed reading this. I think that seeing a baby makes some people think that they can ask people they may not know all sorts of questions. When our son was only a few months old, I remember someone in a shop who we'd never met before saying 'he looks small for his age, was he premature?' after we'd answered their first question about how old he was. If he had been premature, this could well have resulted in a lot of stress and worry than we'd not necessarily want to talk about in public with complete strangers. As it was, I knew he was healthy and doing so well so wasn't all that bothered by the comment even though it was pretty tactless.

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  107. Beau, I just read this and I hope it makes you laugh...http://www.townandcountrymag.com/leisure/travel-guide/family-travel?click=main_sr

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  108. I can totally see that Jonathan. Thanks for reading my post, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  109. That was funny, thanks for sharing!

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  110. A very tactful response to what I thought was a tactless comment, Beau!

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  111. I don't have kids of my own, but I consider myself a fabulous aunt and now great-aunt! I love to read columns that are totally tongue-in-cheek but based on realistic situations.

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  112. It's called humour. If you can't see this through the eyes of a parent as well as having a sense of humour about things, you probably should not be reading this.

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  113. Thanks Darlene, I'm happy you found some humor in this!

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  114. Another one I always hated: "Who do you think she looks like? She doesn't look a thing like you"! What are you trying to say?

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  115. Anastasia LankfordApril 25, 2014 at 5:28 AM

    whaha. I hate especially number 6. especially when you're in a grocery store. and especially when you have a long line of waiting and a crying baby.

    Yes people, stop staring at me. I'm perfectly aware that he needs a diaper change, but you can't expect me to put him on the deskthingy here and change him right on the spot, 'cause you'll be angry again about that!

    and the number 5 ) if you can raise a puppy you can raise a child. uhu. like really. a dog will obey his owner if raised well. children can still grow up to become stubborn teenagers despite the best parents they could have had.

    I love this article. great findings

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  116. Thanks Anastasia, you make some great points!

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  117. Hahah I absolutely loved this post! You nailed it right on the head and made all the memories of when my son was just born come flooding back! I'm sorry to read that you have been receiving any negative comments on a post that is such a funny, honest view on being a parent to a new baby!

    I also love all the lunches you have made and posted! I can't wait to try out some of your ideas soon! Thanks for the directions! Keep up the great work :)

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  118. I'm so sorry to read that people are taking such offense to a post that you clearly wrote in humor. It's also sad to read people say that some people only ask questions as an obligation and "actually don't care about your newborn" why ask in the first place then? I'm sorry I generally don't respond to negativity but the offhand way that was said was rude. I feel sorry for some of these people who can't find the humor in life.

    I do want to congratulate you on tactfully responding to these comments with such politeness. And I agree that you should delete all comments that are degrading and unnecessary. There is too much negativity on the Internet.

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  119. I don't have a dog, freak.

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  120. Taunia DeChenne CD(DONA)August 30, 2014 at 2:55 PM

    I am a doula and would love to share your article on my web page! Would you be interested in that and if so how would you like to go about doing that?

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  121. @Taunia DeChenne CD(DONA) please email me through my blog. Use the button on the upper right that says "Contact Me" and we can talk about it. Thanks!

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  122. That is awesome and cool

    Funny photos

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